I Didn’t Feel Like Writing This. So I Did.

Not feeling it? Here’s how I pushed through with a side of chicken chow mein.

It’s time for some real talk.

Did I wanna write a blog post today? Yes!
Did I feel like writing a blog post today? Fuck no!

I’m only just getting over feeling absolutely exhausted and burnt out to a crisp, so the last thing I wanted to do was something that was gonna mentally exhaust me any more.

Yeah I’ve posted a few Instagram reels, but they took me all of 10 mins to make. Writing a blog post takes a loooot longer.

I have this little nagging voice in the back of my head that’s telling me that I need to write something to get out there even if it’s just for consistency’s sake. But, another voice is telling me that if I don’t want to do something, or if I’m not feeling inspired to do something, I should just leave it until I’m in a better space.

So here I am, running on left-over Chinese and flat Fanta, but I still showed up, and you know what? I’m really fucking proud of myself because past Katie would have absolutely gone into meltdown mode and shut down.

Turn the power off and reset to factory settings.

This would have inevitably spiralled to feelings of guilt, shame and just plain hating myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m in a much better place now after a couple of days off work, but I’m still feeling the edges of an I-can’t-be-fucked-with-anything episode. Hence why I felt a resistance to even start writing this post in the first place.

The difference now, is that I don’t feel like I’m forcing myself to do this out of shame or hate, it’s from a place of love. I love myself enough at the moment to realise that this is what I really really REALLY enjoy doing.

Sometimes you need to force yourself to sit down and do the things that you enjoy, because you know that once you get into the flow of things it will all come back - all of the joy, excitement and inspiration.

It’s not always gonna work, don’t get it twisted. I’m not that naive to believe that it’s always gonna work because that just ain’t true. But for me, right now, in the place that I am in, I know that it is.

I’ve learnt over the past few months specifically, that I need a balance of doing and resting, but this also can include doing whilst resting.

Now, what I mean by that is that writing blog posts for me almost feels like a resting activity. Although it is ultimately something productive, it’s something that calms my brain - almost like reading does.

When you love something so much it feels like play instead of work. But when it starts to feel like work, then you need the balance between doing and resting.

Does this make sense?

Basically, when something feels like work (even though you love it), you may need to take a step back.

Not quit entirely. Fuck no!

I’m not telling you to give up on your dreams when you feel it’s becoming more of a chore, I’m just saying that you should take a step back, review how you’re feeling, and decide where to move from there.

How this looks for you is an entirely different topic altogether and is, more often than not, extremely personal.

So yeah, I wasn’t bursting with all my usual motivation and energy today, and that’s okay, I still chose to show up. I didn’t fucking have to, but I did, and that’s the most important thing. I showed up because I wanted to reconnect with something that I truly enjoy.

I’m showing up for myself, first and foremost, and I’m so damn proud of that.